My WWE RAW Overview (December 11, 2017)

WWE RAW

Episode 1281

Cleveland, OH

Quicken Loans Arena

On: USA Network

Commentators: Michael Cole, Corey Graves & Booker T

Opening Segment

w/Samoa Joe

• It's a three hour show. Let's go ahead and give Joe a full entrance next time. A guy already standing in the ring when they come back from break just screams "eh, no big deal".
• Joe seemed to be stalling quite a bit here before Roman Reigns came out.
• They seemed to make it a point to feature Roman by himself against Joe. Are they teasing that The Shield guys will slowly start to delve back to singles? They could theoretically keep The Shield together until one of them turns heel and just remain together while one of them (like Roman at WrestleMania) competes in a big singles match.
• Joe, Cesaro and Sheamus end the segment standing tall over The Shield which is good. Can't have The Shield be all victorious all of the time.
• I also like this alliance it keeps Sheamus even more protected in matches. (He's dealing with some spinal stenosis issues. It's what ended the careers of Steve Austin and Edge)

Match #1

Tag Team Match

Absolution (Mandy Rose & Sonya Deville)(w/Paige) vs Bayley & Mickie James (w/Sasha Banks)

• Absolution cut a promo on the stage before the match.
• They showed footage of the Sasha/Alexa Bliss match in Abu Dhabi. Making history is what they like to do and this time they definitely did.
• I liked Sonya's lines but on the other hand, the delivery came off as painfully scripted. Paige was the next one on the mic and although her lines were clearly scripted, she delivered them with enough conviction that you don't really notice.
• The action spilled out to the outside where it looked like Paige shoved Mandy in the way of a diving Bayley.......are we planting seeds for a breakup AL-fucking-READY?!
• It seems like this company loves themselves a breakup so much that whenever they happen they come off as a bit diminished. However, it also seems like it isn't long after a breakup where you can tell that the company wished that they could undo it. Let's keep Absolution together for a little longer, guys.
• Paige kicks Mickie in the face when the ref's back is turned which may just whitewash the incident from earlier.

Winners: Absolution

Video Segment

w/Bray Wyatt & WOKEN Matt Hardy

• You can definitely make out the WWE DNA all over this week's segment with the fancy black and red glass shattering as the camera cuts back and forth between Matt and Bray.
• Also, you can tell that the WWE-style scripting is everywhere here. Even with Matt. But much like Paige in the last segment, Matt delivers it so well that it slides by unnoticed. 
• After years of Bray Wyatt on WWE TV, we finally get some light shined on the Sister Abigail backstory! Much like Matt Hardy is merely a vessel for the "broken brilliance" Matt, Wyatt is merely a vessel for Abigail. Somehow, in the Broken Matt universe this works for me.
• I'm hoping that the fantastic weirdness of the Woken Matt universe can rehab Bray's character because boy howdy does it ever. Don't get me wrong, I really like Bray but I just check out whenever he talks. My eyes glaze over and I don't think it would have reached this point if he was allowed to defeat the top name stars that he has feuded with over the years. Give him a decisive win over a John Cena, Undertaker or Randy Orton.

Backstage Segment

w/WWE Cruiserweight Champion, Enzo Amore & Drew Gulak

• Color me shocked, They actually somewhat brought up the legal issues with Rich Swann over this past weekend. Swann's opportunity has been revoked and were going to have a second chance Fatal 4-Way tonight.
• Drew Gulak is a god damn national treasure here.

Match #2

Normal Match

Finn Balor vs Curtis Axel (w/Bo Dallas)

• Finn "The Extraordinary Man Who Does Extraordinary Things Except Losing to Guys Like Kane and Be In Programs With The Miztourage" Balor
• Why is this happening? Is Finn just going to deal with The Miztourage until The Miz comes back? Are we going to have different combinations of these guys face off until Miz returns?
• Axel's neckbrace is much like "Cowboy" Bob Orton's cast only not as legendary...yet.
• Miztourage beats down Balor before the match can start. 
• The ref goes ahead and starts the match. Shouldn't that assault deem this match a no contest?
• I just had an idea here. Why not draw out this Finn/Miztourage feud. Have him beat them handily one on one each week. When it comes to 2 on 1 encounters, have The Miztourage get the advantage every time due to the numbers game. Have The Miz finally come back and just continue on with that theme...until finally....we get Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson come out to make the save. If WWE can benefit from Broken Matt, they can fucking print money with their version of the Bullet Club.
• Balor wins with the Coup de Grace.

Winner by pinfall: Finn Balor

Backstage Video

w/Kane

• Kane continues to make references to "going into the abyss" with Braun Strowman and only he will come out of it. 
• Is this a new WWE match type? The abyss match! Joseph Park not included. The WWE video games should start including new and creative match types like...whatever this would be. Roster upgrades are great but let's get some more match upgrades.
• Kane makes his intentions known to face WWE Universal Champion, Brock Lesnar at the Royal Rumble....Yikes.
• They've been booking Kane strong enough that this could be a real possibility. 
• Honestly, the match may be unremarkable or it may be as nuts as Brock's multi-man SummerSlam match. I'm a fan of the Kane character so I don't mind it...on paper.

Match #3

Normal Match

Sheamus vs Seth Rollins

• So much for protecting Sheamus. Here he is in a one on one match! 
• This was a great match between these two. 
• Rollins wins with the Ripcord Knee

Winner by pinfall: Seth Rollins

Interview

w/Dean Ambrose

• Ambrose goes over his strategy for his match with Samoa Joe until he realizes that he shouldn't put his plans for tonight's match over national TV.

Match #4

"Second Chance"

Fatal 4-Way Match

Cedric Alexander vs Tony Nese vs Mustafa Ali vs Ariya Daivari

• It sucks to see Rich Swann gone.
• Gulak is on commentary so I'm fucking SOLD on this segment.
• He refers to Booker as "Mr. T" upon introducing himself to the commentary team. Booker corrects him under his breath and Cole and Booker share a look of stifled laughter.
• Last week's Cruiserweight 4-Way was a crowd delight. Hopefully it's booked similarly this week and isn't "agented" to death.
• Cole asks what Gulak plans to do if he were to end up facing Enzo and Gulak brilliantly evades the question by talking about Daivari working over Cedric in the ring. Simply brilliant.
• At one point, Nese goes for an outside dive and Gulak covers for him by saying that he didn't dive, he fell out of the ring.
• This was a good match. Not as hot as last week, it seems. But enjoyable still.
• Cedric wins with the Lumbar Check on Daivari

Winner by pinfall: Cedric Alexander

Backstage Segment

w/Enzo Amore & Drew Gulak

• Enzo balks at the notion of Gulak as WWE Cruiserweight Champion and at the notion that they are friends. Enzo clarifies that Gulak merely works for Enzo and he should be lucky to be a passenger on the 'Zo Train.
• As he browbeats Gulak I receive another potent PREMONEESHUN of Gulak beating Cedric next week and turning babyface by confronting the bully, Enzo.
• It's a bit too soon for a babyface turn in my opinion but I can see that possible program as a catalyst for this company to get behind Gulak. I am not complaining there.
• Enzo says that there's only...ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE DREW'S POWERPOINT PRESENTATION. And Gulak simply agrees and says that the one word is "informative". Fucking awesome.
• You know, it's been constantly criticized that the cruiserweight match are all "agented" to death since the cruiserweights were known for putting on more incredible matches on the indies. If Gulak becomes champion, you can do a deal where he actually implements a no fly rule. He'll take the 'Zo Train and make it the Gulak Cabinet and have them act much like Right to Censor or Cyrus the Virus of ECW fame. That way you'll have an actual storyline reason for these grounded 205 matches.
• Enzo stops in his tracks when he sees Nia Jax. They flirt with each other with Gulak as the third wheel. 

Match #5

WWE Intercontinental Championship

Normal Match

Roman Reigns (c) vs Cesaro

• These two had a great power-based match.
• Roman won with the Spear.

Winner by pinfall: Roman Reigns

Backstage Video

w/Braun Strowman

• Braun cuts a promo on Kane.
• Strowman vs Lesnar II is probably the more well-received match. I wonder if a Triple Threat would mirror the crazy SummerSlam match.

Match #6

Rematch

Normal Match

Asuka vs Alicia Fox

• A rematch...really? I'm actually fine with it since you don't have too many mid-tier heel women for Asuka to steamroll through. If Summer Rae was on the roster, she'd probably be of the squashees.
• Absolution come out instead of Fox as Paige coyly reveals that Fox has been attacked backstage and won't be able to compete. So Absolution take this time to give Asuka an ultimatum. Either Asuka walks gets out of their way or they'll make her. Asuka doesn't budge and strikes first at Absolution. They eventually gain the upper hand and start doing a number on "The Empress of Tomorrow". Paige goes the Ram-Paige but Asuka is saved by the entire women's locker room. Ironic, since a lot of them have been beaten by Asuka. Fox is there and so is Nia who was rumored to not be involved with the Absolution thing. 
• They beat on Absolution until Mandy is the sole stable member in the ring. She is pulled to safety before any more harm can come to her.
• I expected Kurt Angle to come out and make some sort of match here when I realize that we're 3/4 through RAW and we haven't seen Angle or Jason Jordan.

Result: No Contest (?)

Backstage Segment

w/Kurt Angle

• speak of the devil!
• Angle is speaking to a staff member and tells him to reinforce the ring tonight for Kane/Braun.
• Jordan comes in and apologizes for acting like a demanding jerk last week...and then proceeds to act just in that way.
• Jordan wants Joe as retribution for his attack on both Jordan and Angle. 
• Jordan says that he has held his own against Roman Reigns, John Cena, Kane and Braun Strowman. Angle informs him that he didn't beat any of those guys as Jordan calls Angle by his first name and walks away sulking.

Match #7

Normal Match

Samoa Joe vs Dean Ambrose

• They promote John Cena's movie "Ferdinand" which opens on June 15. You know what else opens June 15? STAR WARS
• Jason Jordan pulls a Samoa Joe and pulls up a chair on the stage to watch the match.
• Near the end of the match, Joe and Ambrose are laying out of the ring. Jordan throws Ambrose pack into the ring as Joe immediately applies a choke on Jordan.
• Dean comes flying out of the ring with a suicide dive on everyone.
• Jordan jumps up on the apron to yell at the ref as Ambrose hits a flying elbow off the top rope. He gets the visual three-count but the ref doesn't see it.
• Ambrose now has fire in his eyes and wants blood. Jordan's blood. He gets in Jordan's face but as Jordan goes to give him a belly to belly suplex, Joe comes crashing to the outside and lays everyone out.
• Joe hits a senton on Jordan and locks in the Coquina Clutch on Ambrose who passes out.

Winner by submission: Samoa Joe

Backstage Segment

w/Titus Worldwide

• Titus O'Neil and Apollo Crews welcome Dana Brooke into the fold as their...statistician? What?
• If we had the Social Outcasts then these are the Lost Souls. Because...wow.
• Gallows and Anderson step in and call them nerds which I can hear the crowd start to get behind. This doesn't rule them out of that Bullet Club reunion storyline idea from earlier does it? Can a dude dare to dream?
• Braun Strowman comes roaring on through as everyone almost literally dives for cover

Match #8

Normal Match

Braun Strowman vs Kane

• The ring crew is shown reinforcing the ring.
• The commentary team go over WWE Week on the USA Network.
• You'll be watching Tribute to the Troops on Thursday, I'll be watching Star Wars: Episode VIII. You'll be watching The Shield vs Samoa Joe & The Bar and I'll be watching The Resistance vs The First Order. Screw the Monday Night Wars, on Thursday it's gonna be WWE vs Star Wars: The Universe Wars!
• These Kane/Strowman matches are more-so angles than they are matches. Or at least it seems like that's how they're being booked.
• Strowman makes use of his WWE 2K18 "Barricade Breaker" skill and runs through Kane as they take down the barricade.
• The ref counts them out at this point.
• Are we actually getting a Triple Threat at the Rumble?
• They both wield steel stairs and engage in a Mexican stand off. Braun wins the steel steps joust and goes to attack Kane's larynx in similar fashion to the recent larynx-based attacks against each other. 
• Kane evades it but Braun grabs a table much to Cleveland's delight.
• Kane uses this opportunity to grab a chair from under the ring and starts wailing on Strowman.
• Double Clothesling as both men are now down.
• Kane sits up....and so does Strowman. We're talking Undertaker-style! Is that a part of his repertoire now? Kane moves away from him in fear.
• Kane goes to Chokeslam Braun through the table but Braun counters it and hits a Running Powerslam on Kane through the table to end the show.

Result: Double Count Out

Overall Thoughts

This show was okay. It felt like a sequel that still made money at the box office but not as much as the predecessor. Once again, the Woken Matt stuff was my favorite thing on the show (and the shortest thing). It seems like this show was filled with seed planting though. That may just be my overly active imagination but sometimes that's what makes pro wrestling even better! The Shield matches were the best on the show although the Ambrose/Joe match was more of an angle-based match to further the Jordan storyline.

Ride Along Overview (Season 3, Episode 3)

When you're super behind like I seem to always be, Ride Along isn't really the most exciting thing to be gearing up to watch. With that said, the video file is ready and in front of me and Breezango are on the screen so let this going...at 1.5X Speed!

• This episode features Breezango along with Rusev and Lana.
• This trip will be beginning in Springfield, MA (where I used to work) to Providence, RI (the site of RAW on Monday).
• Rusev is curiously making this trip without a shirt. Must have been a good pump session that day. However, he is pulled over by the fashion police and given a verbal warning for the fashion feaux pas.
• Lana is rocking a Star Wars shirt. Somehow I doubt her fanhood. She's probably be like "Boba Who?"
• They talk about booting a human like you would a car and Fandango suggests booting Xavier Woods for wearing blue varsity shorts. They show a still image of Fandango's idea with the background of Commonwealth Ave in Boston. A lot of WWE New England love as of late.
• Rusev brings up the ol' "Pahked the cahh in Hahvihd Yahd" line that every non-New Englander always says. He then proceeds to butcher and I mean BUTCHER the pronunciation of Worcester.
• Fandango absolutely (and possibly purposely) bombs a game of Name That Capital.
• Lana says "Gosh, I LOVE wrestling" which is a line that every ex-girlfriend of mine has uttered at some point maybe to try to bond. You might as well just say "Gee golly, I hate this wrestling stuff, but I wouldn't mind watching it with you to have more us-time!"
• They show a well-cut-together (at least by my standards) video of Rusev cheering on Lana who taps her opponent out to the Accolade.
• LOL, Rusev with the line of the night. Upon being asked by Lana if he gets nervous before he wrestles, he simply says no. However, he does get nervous watching Lana wrestle. #SavageRusev
• Breezango talk about their hate for Kofi Kingston. Pretty sure, they (and everyone ever) loves the guy. 
• Apparently, Rusev's neighbors complain about Rusev mowing the lawn in his speedo because they have children. I hope that out of spite he does every house chore ever in his speedo. #TeamRusev
• Breeze tells a Takeshi Morishima story as they show a clip of Morishima on an episode of WWE ECW. When in the world was this?!
• This next clip....I can't even. Lana asks about the strangest place that they've ever "made whoopee" which is a word that confuses Rusev. "Whoopie? You mean sex? Like Whoopi Goldberg? So her name is Sex Goldberg?". I had to pause the video and take a minute to compose myself. This man knows comedy.
• Next time, it's the Best of Ride Along! Thanks! But I'm all set!